This post is inspired by a recent thread over on Ravelry. Basically a woman asked a question that went something like this “How can I ask my husband if I can buy some knitting needles right after Christmas?”. The needles in question are a more expensive type. Innocent enough conversation starter, or so I thought. This poor woman has been hounded by some other women about the fact that she asks her husband if she can buy something. Now I am a feminist of sorts. I do not belong to National Order of Women (because imho they do more harm then good) but I do think we should be viewed as equals and will happily fight for our equal rights. Naturally alot of this has to do with my paganistic beleifs. There can be no man without woman. But at the same time, there can be no woman without a man. God & Goddess. Light & Dark. So on and so forth.
Some of these women actually have it in their head that by asking their husband if they can buy something is demeaning. The impression the questioner gives me is that she wanted to know if there is enough funds to buy it, not that her husband is abusive and trying to squash his wife beneath him in any manner.
Guess what! I ask my husband ALL the time if I can buy this or buy that. I don’t find it demeaning. All of our banking is done online and he backs that up with a Quickbooks file. If I ask he looks up what we have and what is coming out and lets me know. Then we discuss if the item is necessary or luxury. Where is that demeaning? He does the same thing when he wants a new book (the only thing he ever seems to want to buy). Only difference is he asks and then tells me what our bank status is.
And feminist ladies, I even ASK my husband if I can go out. Why? Cause he will be left with the kids. He also may have been planning something for that night. Maybe even something romantic for me and him. So while you sit there and whine about how a woman is degrading herself by ASKING her husband if she can spend money or doing something, I am enjoying the communication with my hubs. I would hate to just up and spend the money he was hoarding for a fab birthday present for me. Or even ruin a romantic dinner at my favorite restaurant cause I decided to go out with the girls instead of double checking with him. And yes, he does ASK me if he can go out as well. It’s all mutual. That is what a marriage is….50/50 mutual respect and communication.
Look, I do kind of understand how someone could see asking a spouse for something is demeaning. I think it’s going way too far calling it abuse. Simply because if it was demeaning and/or abusive there would be alot more going on then just asking a spouse to buy some knitting needles. We don’t know because this is a person online and she didn’t go on about how she always has to ask her hubs and she won’t just buy them cause he might beat the crap out of her. Stop jumping to conclusions when you have no idea on what goes on in that relationship. And just because you and your spouse don’t practice the art of asking, don’t push your own ideas and thoughts about how others should do it your way!
*Immediatley after typing this, my husband walked in and ASKED if he could go have lunch with a friend he hasn’t seen in 3 years. How dare he subject himself to my abuse by degrading himself and ASK me!* (For those who don’t know me well, this is an example of my sarcasm)
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