What I Learn At McDonald’s

Last night I sat here with the kids while Mr.P was out. Poor things were bugging me to go out and let’s be honest….I am a spineless fish when it came to them begging last night. I kinda feel bad cause I am not sure if they have picked up on issues at home or not and it has to suck if they have.  So we went to McDonald’s for dinner and time together. I learned some lessons.

First, my oldest is apparently “too old” for kids meals. She checks out the display with the kids meal toys but ultimatley she wants an adult meal.  This saddens me.

The middle child will chow down food in record time. I swear I don’t think she even tastes it. I literally had to make her stop and really taste the food. She has this habit of eating super fast when it’s something she really likes and then determining she wants more. There is no way her stomach has had time to tell the brain “hey, I am full down here”.

The youngest, ah yes….the one that has taught me more about anything than the two older ones. This is the child that always has to go to the bathroom midmeal when only one parent  is present. I know that more than likely my two older ones are ok for a few minutes while I take him but I am a mom. I have mastered the art of imagining some insane psycho coming in and taking my two angels captive and running out before I am done with lil man in the bathroom. And of course in my scenario the mass of people inside don’t do a dam thing to save my babies. So I take him and he decides to walk and talk. This child cannot walk and talk. I haven’t quite seen it this bad before, it’s like he has to force himself to think about taking the next step (it’s all probably a ruse, he can read my mind and feels like tormenting me). As I hold the door open from inside the bathroom coaxing him to move his slow tush inside, my own big ass (no, I am beyond tush now) sets off the automatic handdryers. You know you are fat when you can acheive setting off automatic handdryers just by holding open a door! This same boy will take forever to wash hands post potty time. Then, just for shits and giggles, he will decide that the automatic handdryers are so amazingly awesome that he must open his mouth wide and let the hot air blow in his mouth.

Then you get home and each child hugs you and tells you it was the best night ever. You know it doesn’t possible beat out that one time you took them to Disney and Universal Studios, but you still eat this moment up. Then the boy pukes on you.