Witchy Wednesday – Coming Out Of The Broom Closet
Coming out as pagan is always a difficult task. Some are lucky and their families and friends are supportive. Others have a much harder time with the people surrounding them. Often you find pagans online who often ask should I? When should I do it? And the ever elusive how do I do it?
I have never really announced it outloud. My family knows and doesn’t seem bothered by it. At least they have never said a word about it. This could be due to the fact that I am not very close to them and we talk maybe a few times a year. My friends know and the type of people I tend to be friends with, it doesn’t cause any issues. My husband’s family…..well I am not sure if they know or not. I have never come right out and said it but if they did ask I would totally confess. They have seen the altar in my home but I am not sure if they knew it was an altar lol. My father in law has seen tweetdeck open on my computer at work and my name is PaganMomBlog on twitter. And I have noticed that when the discussion of religion has come up, primarily the Christian religion, he will usually ask my husband a question. Not in a snotty sort of way but that kind of way of “you beleive like I do so let me ask you”. And then again perhaps I am reading into it.
Lately I have wondered if I should come completely out to my inlaws. I am concerned in the area of work. At work no one knows. Our clientele is on the elderly side and being in the south the automatic assumption is that they are all Baptists. I know, it’s an unfair judgment but it’s habit. One I am working on. I do know that some of them are Unitarian Universalists (which means very accepting) and I know exactly who those people are. But others I worry about. I don’t want the business to lose clientele because someone has issue with my personal life.
So why is this coming up now, after 6 years of working there? I saw the look about a week ago. One of our clients has a business near my home and often in the mornings on the way in I swing by and pick things up or drop things off. This particular morning I got there before they open. I saw our client coming up behind my vehicle. Which she was staring at hard. And then that look came on her face. That look of “oh my god” and then I could see her trying to process it ” is she? noooo she couldn’t be”. Then she looked at me, that soul searching look and it was a desperate look. What was it that caused such a look? A bumper sticker. It says “Mother Grove” and has some slogan about honoring the goddess. No pentacles, no “my other car is a broomstick” sticker….just that word goddess glaring at her. I could tell that suddenly she was very uncomfortable. I handled her the way I always had. Cheerful and smiling. I told her what she needed to do with paperwork. I noticed that normally a woman who spent 30 minutes chatting my head off suddenly wanted to get as far away as possible. I haven’t heard anything about this as of yet. My father in law is an adorable man. I can’t imagine anyone disliking him so I think if she had confronted him he might have been able to smooth things over. But the mere idea that he would have to do that bothers me. My religious beleifs should have no bearing on how well I can do my job.
So I am not sure what to do. I have this fear that if I came out to my inlaws that it would make things bad between us. I love them as if they were my own flesh and blood and for them to be upset would hurt me greatly. I think that is what makes this the most difficult. I don’t want people hurt. And I don’t feel forced into a closet, I have always wanted to live my beleifs without being an “in your face” pagan.
And perhaps I have blown out of proportion. Maybe there is some other reason she made the faces and wanted to rush into her store. Unfortunatley experience and intuition tells me otherwise.
P.S. I will be taking tomorrow off. This week is kicking my butt and I haven’t been getting up at 5am but 6 am. So I am going to listen to the body and “sleep in” and not worry about getting a post up. I will be back Friday for my Follow Friday post.
I totally see where you are coming from. And, I sort of addressed this myself on my Facebook page over the weekend. Now my family knows. Those that read my status know. They can decide if it makes them uncomfortable and if they want to be friends. I did remove people who were “in your face christian” – this was addressed in my status that I would be doing it, too. Luckily, my job is not so straight forward since I teach Pilates. It seems to be “expected” that I may not follow the christian faith. However, my in-laws, with whom I do not get along, are Catholics (not good Catholics, though they think they are) so if I were to come out to them, all would be over and my kids would get even less time with them. Writing that, maybe that is not a bad thing!! What I have not ever understood is why it is assumed everyone has to be christian. It is not a national religion. The stories in the Old Testament are horrible!!! The New Testament is better, but not by much. And, all the books written for the christian bible are not even included in most Protestant Bibles, especially KJV. Wouldn’t that be selective beliefs?? I’d rather be true to myself than follow what someone else has written as “so” while removing parts of those writings just because someone else didn’t like it.
I’m pretty far out of the broom closet in the sense that I lived through the family blow-up and I have done community organizing, leaving my name and phone numbers all over Pittsburgh attached to Pagan organizations. And yet I avoid bumper stickers and stuff like that, simply because I’m not at my car to open a dialogue.
It’s a real shame somebody who deals with you regularly would not talk to you about it.
I hope this person has the decency to get over it.
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I’m mostly out. I do keep two separate online ID’s, one for family and one for pagan-type stuff, but that’s more for my family’s safety than anything else. I’m becoming more and more recognized in the local and regional pagan communities but I believe that my choice top be so open should not affect my husband or my child. So I have two screen names and I go by a pagan name in pagan circles.
As far as family, we just don’t talk about it. My parents and in-laws know my husband and I are not Christian, but that’s as far as the dialogue goes. I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad experience just because of your bumper stickers.
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See I am becoming more well known in the community because of Twitter. I am even finding out that several clients are on Twitter. So I guess at some point I will have to address it.
Funny story about my sticker. A woman pulled up behind me at a gas station and started asking me when the next ritual was. I just stared at her for a minute absolutely speechless and she mentioned the sticker. LOL! I was so delighted and let her know when the next one was and the website so she could keep up with the Grove’s events. My hubs (whom is Christian) was watching from inside the store and he came out real concerned but was releived when I let him know that she wanted to be at the next event. In that moment I was happy that the sticker was met with recognition AND someone felt that comfy just to blatanly ask me about the Grove.
Thanks. It’s ok as far as having the experience….everything happens for a reason. I think my biggest is fear is feeling like I will have to be in a closet. I don’t feel that way right now and don’t ever want to feel that way. I am just quiet about my beleifs and always have been.
I am not a pagan per se but hold some of those beliefs as well as a smattering of others. I am an agnostic/atheist, I guess and really don’t believe in organized religion. I came out to my family years ago and besides my very Catholic father not talking to me for weeks, they accept it. My MIL knew I wasn’t a believer since the beginning. I think most people are shoced because after they know me a while they see I am perfectly normal and not some crazy heathen. I have come out at several jobs. I once worked at a place called The Lord’s Place. Yes the irony. But our executive director and finally everyone else found out I was not a believer but because they had worked with me for several years, it didn’t seem to bother them and I was never pressured to believe what they did. I have been lucky to find people in my life who accept me as is and if they don’t, oh well. When I lived in Santa Fe or Los Angeles it was never an issue. But even here in NC so far so good but I am more conscious of it now since I understand I live in a town that is very religious. The way I look at it is that if people judge me by what religion I am not, then they might not be people I want to deal with. Work is trickier but I found you will find people who understand. Of course, I think it might be easier for someone to accept an atheist than a Pagan because they don’t understand Paganism and liken it to Satanism or the Black Arts. Good luck on your journey.
I wouldn’t address it at all. If you were gay, then you wouldn’t feel the need to warn your employer about client reactions. Your beliefs are your beliefs, and they should not affect your professional relationships. I would operate on the assumption that others are mature enough to conduct themselves on that level, and I would let *them* make it an issue. They might be uncomfortable, but they may also realize that it would be awfully silly to raise a stink about it.
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Ouch… I can understand why you’d be uncomfortable w/ coming out at work. I remember those looks when people at the college I went to (coC and smack in the Bible belt area) found out I’m Catholic. I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I was pagan (well, I can kinda). I hope nothing bad comes of that lady seeing your bumper sticker, like the last commenter, I don’t think it should.
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