It’s Not About You, It’s About Me
Often as I peruse blogs I come across one featuring a “hot topic” and watch people take offense when it’s not necessary. I personally think it’s wonderful to sit back and read these type of blogs so that I can better understand other people. However, I think that people forget that (mom, parenting, dad) blogs tend to be about personal experiences and decisions and don’t really reflect other people. When that is forgotten is when comments are left that the poster is being judgmental.
I recently read a post written by the husband, who guest blogged that day, of one of my twitter peoples. He had written about why they, as a family, chose to homeschool. Now let me remind you that the entire post is about their family, no one else. I thought it was very well written post myself and I could agree with parts of it. As with all homeschoolers, we all have different reasons but perhaps common threads on the “why”. I began reading the comments section. One comment I appreciated by KushielsMoon because she asked pointed questions and interjected her own experiences as to the reasoning on why she was questioning. I don’t think she was judgmental, I really think she wanted to better understand the reasoning. She certainly brought up great topics that I hope are touched upon as I write this up. Scroll down to Tangie and she points out that sending your kids to public school does not mean you don’t care about your kids’ or their education. Amen Tangie! Then we come to Lynda. Reading her comment made me feel like I was looking at the old me.
As I have stated many blog posts ago, I had always wanted to homeschool. It just took me 10 years to get the nerve up to do it. And for many years I read homeschool blogs and often leaft feeling offended. And the reality wasn’t so much that the blog post had particularly offended me. It was that I was offended by myself. My own insecurities would shine through as I always felt I was failing my kids. And I would project my insecurities on those blog posts and take offense when it was never about ME. Those posts I was reading was about other families, not ME. I forgot that. Because of Lynda I kinda feel I should track down those hundreds of posts I read and personally apologize in the comments section. I always kind of suspected I had behaved that way but until you see it coming from another you just don’t realize how it looks.
Now I do want to touch upon some things in Lynda’s comment so I want to break it down into sections. Bear in mind, I don’t know Lynda personally. I am only responding to the particular comment and it’s possible that I am interpreting things in a manner that she never meant to. Anywho, here we go.
I totally respect your reasons for home schooling and it sounds like it was the best choice for your family. At the same time, I am kind of getting the sense that you feel that parents who keep their children in public school DON’T care about these things. This is where the insecurity is peeking through. I used to feel this way when I would read a homeschooling post and it would hurt so bad. But the reality of it was, I did care and actively fought for my kids education and always felt like I was failing them. That was what was really coming through. I haven’t met that many homeschooling families who feel that people with kids in public schools don’t care about their education. Especially since alot of them have used public schooling in the past. Or currently have one or more of their children in the system.
I am not going to rely on a school system to teach my child and will take an active role in their education no matter what. Good! All parents should, doesn’t mean all do because you will meet some parents in the system that make you wonder why they reproduced in the first place. But seriously, those with children in the system should be taking an active role in their education and not relying on anyone to take it over. Public schools are full of human beings. Human beings make mistakes. They are not infallible and we should all care enough to make sure that the mistakes are limited as much as possible. We also need to bear in mind that in public school you are still left on the sidelines. Sure they encourage your involvement but the decisions on what happens will be up to them. I had to fight tooth and nail just to get my Kindergartner the right to write on lined paper even though they told me K’s aren’t developmentally ready for lined paper. I fought all the time to get my kids challenged and was left doing more schoolwork at home then mine were getting at school. It’s a matter of how good the public school in your area is. Not all are created equal.
In all likelihood, I won’t have much choice in the matter since both my husband and I need to work to stay afloat; we’re not privileged enough to be able to spend all day with our children, though it kills me it’s like that. It saddens me that people assume that homeschooling families have a SAHM or SAHD. What about those of us that work out of our homes? I still have to work and my husband still has to work. If I can’t make ends meet I need to supplement with another job. What about those single parents who work at night and teach their kids all day? Or the single parents who work all day and school their kids at night and on weekends? They aren’t privileged enough to spend all day with their children either. Yet they have a desire to homeschool and they find a way. Public school should never be decided based upon the idea that it’s a daycare to send your kids to because you can’t stay home. This to me cancels out the idea that an individual truly cares about the education. Public school should be chosen because it is what will offer your child the best possible education.
Just because it was the right choice for your family to make, it is not the right choice for all families to make. In this particular blog post, the poster never stated that homeschooling is the right choice for all families. Actually I have met more homeschoolers who don’t feel it’s the right choice for all families. How about families who “homeschool” but never actually make sure their kids have knowledge in anything (and I don’t mean unschoolers, that isn’t unschooling!). How about the “homeschoolers” who teach that evolution is a tool of a devil or set out to purposely teach that sciences are not factual? How about the “homeschoolers” who do actively refuse their children to associate with others. They may not be alot of those families but I am pretty sure that sane homeschoolers would tell you that those people are bordering onto child abuse.
I think it’s important to mention that there are times where you should be offended by a blog. If the post had said “only lazy parents send their kids to public school” then yes, offense should be taken. If the post had send “if YOU (not the poster) send your child to public school your kid(s) will be stupid. Yes, you should be offended. ALthough few and far between, there are some hardcore homeschoolers who feel a need to tell people things like that. Honestly, I have only come across that once. The rest that I have met and talk with often DO NOT feel that way in the least!
We as parents should not be pigeon holing ourselves because of our choices. There are no public school vs homeschool gangs. While we naturally are drawn to people we have things in common with it doesn’t mean that we are obligated to only associate with homeschoolers and that homeschooling is “the only way”. I still talk to my friends who send their kids to public school. I still talk to my daughters’ public school teachers. There are families that have children who ask to go to public school, go, and do very well after having been homeschooled for x amount of years. There are families who homeschool until high school then send their kids to public school. There are families who have two kids elementary aged and only one is homeschooled. The idea that homechooling families fit a specific mold are just not the reality. Take a look at this thread and you will see we come in all different shapes and sizes. And when I post about my decisions, I am not judging you about you not being like me or my family. It’s all about me.
*clapping* Yes, when it’s on me blog, it IS all about me. I wish more people would get that!!! When I write about the things I’m passionate about, including our decision to homeschool, that is not a reflection on how I view others. It’s MY passion!!!
Tiffany´s last blog ..Online Schools A Solution
Very good post
Mama Kalila´s last blog ..So Proud
Thank you!
I agree with you on what you are saying. Homeschooling is a choice that is made from person to person and by saying I homeschool I’m not judging anyone else. I’m just trying to do what’s right for my family.
The only time I’ve gotten truly offended by a blog, and subsequently dropped my subscription; is when the writer asked for honest opinions. She then responded very argumentatively to opposing opinions, then posted a another blog stating that she’d come to the conclusion that her opinion was right and fact and everyone that disagreed was wrong.
Riceball Mommy´s last blog ..Change of Plans
Omg that is horrible? I hope if I ever were to suddenly behave like that my faithful readers would hunt me down and kick my ass.
Hiya. I really like your blog but wish the text was larger. Keep up the great posts!
Thanks! I have been trying to get the text bigger and unfortunatley I have been unsuccessful. Hopefully I can get the issue resolved soon!
At the very top of the post you referenced, it is indicated they homeschool to a) take an active role in their child’s education and b) because they take responsibility for how their children develop. I was trying to point out that these two particular things can be accomplished by ANY parent, not just one who homeschools. I don’t feel that viewpoint makes me insecure in any way, nor do I feel it is disrespectful to the blog owner, the post author or any of the homeschooling parents in the thread.
I appreciate all your follow-up comments, but I feel you felt personally attacked when that was never my goal. I truly respect homeschooling and it’s really great to know that you’ve been able to do it while working at home! This gives me a lot of hope for the future if I can remain working at home.
As for the person who asked for the blog text to be bigger – in most browsers all you have to do is press Ctrl and the “+” sign and it will increase the text size. No need for individual blogs to change their font size.
Lynda´s last blog ..Flashback Friday- One Year Ago
Yes, it does say that as a reason on why they homeschool. Obviously they didn’t feel that they could using a public school system. Nowhere does it state that ONLY homeschoolers can acheive that. The post is about their family, not you or anyone else. Not all homeschooling families even feel that way about their own kids, the gambit on reasons to homeschool are extremely long.
As far as insecurity goes, it’s an observation. I stated clearly that I do not know you and only have that comment to go by. I never once stated you were disrespectful either. I felt that you spoke your mind clearly and respectfully, I simply made observations on how similar our viewpoints were at one point.
I am not sure why you would feel personally attacked at all. I cannot attack someone without knowing them, I can only make observations. I do beleive you respect homeschooling yet I wonder why you take personal offense or allude that a blogger is trying to portray themselves as special and someone else as not. As my title says, it’s not about you. The original post was about their family, my post is that you shouldn’t visit blogs than take personal offense when it’s not necessary.
very good!! I guess I came to this late since I have only started reading blogs over the last 2 years and have not ever taken offense seeing them as more like a public diary. A glimpse inside that person’s life, if you will. That is what I enjoy about them. I get to learn about other people just by reading. As far as homeschooling goes, we live in a very good area for public schools – my now 8th grader took 1 high school assessment exam (required for graduation) and passed with flying colors. She has 4 left to take, 2 of which will be in her 8th grade year. We live on the Chesapeake Bay so science ROCKS!! We are an hour south of D.C. and Annapolis so awesome for politics and government. All of these things are integrated into our school system’s curriculum that I could not possibly do it myself. We often have homeschoolers accompany us on field trips and science trips dealing with the Bay. It’s kind of like we are all integrated. The homeschooling parents work VERY hard!! I am grateful we have such a great public system in our county!!! I could not do it. My kids would drive me NUTS!!
Angela, huh? I do not feel attacked, nor do I feel offended. Honestly, I hope no one else does either because that was not my intent. It’s a public blog, but “It’s all about me” breaks the first rule of blogging. I was not attacking their reasons or their beliefs. I was simply adding to the conversation that was posted on the internet for the whole world to see. It was an interesting post and I connected with a lot of the thoughts in it. Which is why I commented.
Lynda´s last blog ..Friday Finds- Reflections
Hi Angela,
Thanks for your interesting point of view!
It is weird the things that can upset people… I just got into a debate on my newest post, regarding my use of the word “poor” -so strange.
<3
Joni Rae
Joni Rae´s last blog ..On Wealth and Privilege and being a stay at home mom
PS- I am adding your button to my collection
Joni Rae´s last blog ..On Wealth and Privilege and being a stay at home mom
Pardon me, I misread what you wrote. I don’t feel personally attacked at all. I feel that you are misinformed (ie “we aren’t privileged to stay home” when most homeschooling families aren’t even SAH families) and I responded.
Rules to blogging? What rules? Who came up with said rules? Where are these alleged rules? You might not blog about yourself but some of us do. I do. Around here it is always about me regardless if it’s public or not. I pay for the site, not the public, so I can blog about me if I see fit.
Sure you were adding to conversation. People responded, you can’t continue a conversation without having response. So here it is, a conversation….why are you defending that? Why are you being defensive at all?
That’s one thing I miss about living up in MD, the accessibility to DC and all that it has to offer for learning. We plan on making a trip up soon so they can visit the Smithsonian, Zoo, and all of the governmental buildings and monuments. I think it’s possible to say that schools around there may be better because of how close they are to living history. Having that kind of resource brings in a new teaching tool that so many other schools miss out on, ya know?
LOL as for kids driving me nuts, yea that is happening. We went from only seeing the kids a few hours a day to now seeing them all the time. We have alot more opportunity to butt heads so it certainly has been a challenge getting used to being around each other so much. I have to admit that in the last week it seems like it’s been getting a bit easier and it’s been under a month since the change. I think the keypoint has been that I make time to get out of the house at night and head to my office so I can get some of my work done in peace and quiet. Having that alone time has helped me not feel as stressed and gives all of us a break from each other.
I’m offended. Just kidding. Excellent post. It’s important for homeschoolers to be aware of feelings like that in others. I went from having my kid in public school to pulling him out almost overnight, so I never went through the jealousy feelings some parents have, but I have been puzzled by friends responses from time to time. Looking back I think it was intimidation or jealously to some degree. I don’t think they wanted to homeschool, just that they thought I thought I was better than them because I homeschool. I am learning to be careful in the way I express myself around them in regards to education.
Ha ha ha I appreciate the humor! Take out homeschooling and insert “cloth diapering”, “breast feeding” or “anti-vaccination” and it’s the same thing. We moms due tend to compare ourselves to other moms, no matter how much we shouldn’t. And often parenting techniques that we are proud of are perceived as “your better than me” by others when we are just really happy to find something that works for us. Kids are little individuals and should be treated as such, not in one “acceptable” manner.
So glad you stopped by and shared! I think it’s important that we discuss this sort of thing!