Stop Apologizing
Think about your day. Just one day. How many times do you apologize? I actually made myself tally it up in one day and I apologized 47 times that day. And it didn’t feel like a day in which I said it a lot. 47 times. That’s a lot. I mean how many of those times was an apology warranted? Probably not that many. I recently listened to a woman who instructed a roomful of women to STOP APOLOGIZING. And within our temple I have heard how we women need to stop apologizing. It’s a strong message for me lately because I am still surprised at how often I do it.
How many times do you say “I am sorry I didn’t email you back within 24 hours because…..”? Or “I am sorry dinner is late because……”? And the one I do the most is “I am sorry but I disagree with you because….”. Why are we sorry we didn’t email someone promptly? Women are busy! We shouldn’t apologize for not dropping everything and re-prioritizing our day around an email. We shouldn’t apologize for dinner being late because someone else could’ve started it when our time became strapped. And we most certainly SHOULD NOT be apologizing for disagreeing with someone. When we apologize it should be “I am sorry that I hurt your feelings”, “I am sorry that I broke your CD”, and “I am sorry you are having a hard time” but only if we truly mean it. And isn’t that the crux of it all…..that we should actually be sorry to begin with?
We have been conditioned to say “I am sorry way” too much. That somehow, no matter how busy we are, we have to apologize for not living up to someone else’s standards. It’s time to start living up to my own standards and keep those standards reasonable. So I am working on not saying sorry unless I am truly sorry. For now I will keep a journal of how often I say it and maybe throw a quarter in a jar. Anything to recognize and repair that awful. Will you join me?
You’re right! People do apologize or say “I’m sorry” too often. I hate it when you can tell that they are just saying it to say it. No compassion, no real emotion, just words. ARGH! Tweeks me. I have been guilty of it though. We all need to quit apologizing and just go with it. We did something…because we wanted to. No explanation need. We didn’t do something…..because something else got in the way. Whatever it may be, we just did or didn’t do it, no apologies needed. Rock on girlie!
Brenda´s last [type] ..DARE TO REINVENT YOURSELF
Very good! Too much apologizing for valid, intentional acts. I am neither sorry, nor will I issue a feel-good apology. I make my choices, deal with it! I said so much about being hard to reach via the phone a while back… https://plus.google.com/u/0/112610325848603950154/posts/cmR7ihdKSP5
Wow! What a smack over the head this post is! I don’t usually outwardly say the words…but I change my demeanor and my actions to imply them. WHY I do that is beyond me sometimes. Other times it’s becos I want to avoid a confrontation with someone I love. To keep the peace. I don’t want to hurt the ones I love, and that’s how I take it. I also work with the public, and that’s usually when I actually say the words. Becos my job may depend on how nice I am to someone. Le sigh…still, your post is (as always) wonderful!
I notice that when someone tells me something that happened to them that is unpleasant, and I say “I’m sorry”, they always say “It’s not your fault”. To which I reply, “I am expressing sorrow, not claiming responsibility”. Which I think is valid. Sorry has a couple of meanings.
What really jerks my chain is when people say, for instance, “I’m sorry, but I really like that band”. If they are an unpopular band, why be sorry if you like them? What are you sorry for? Are you embarrassed that you like a group that not many people like? So what! Stand up proud, shoulders back, have a “so what” attitude, and LIKE THAT BAND (or shirt, or nail polish color, or style of house, or whatever). Just say “I like them” without the preamble of “I’m sorry”. I trained myself to do this, and now when people do this, I look at them and kindly say “Are you sorry? What for?” because people don’t even realize they do this.
It takes practice. I don’t think I do this often anymore, but thanks for bringing it up to my attention. I will have to check myself and see how often I still do!
Ang, Never a more true post were written. I follow you here, to keep in touch. And I AM SORRY that I never post on here. No, buts..Just an I’m sorry for being a sucktastic friend. I miss you and think of you often..So I come here to be a part of your life.
Sometimes avoiding confrontation is important. Other times it needs to happen. It’s just knowing when to take it on and when to avoid that’s the most difficult. Work wise though, I get it. It’s harder when you are being paid to avoid confrontation and play nice!
YES YES YES!
I miss you! I am going to be in MD (unless I find new employment soon) from Aug 30 to Sept 2. We MUST figure out a meetup! You aren’t the only one being sucktastic