Think about your day. Just one day. How many times do you apologize? I actually made myself tally it up in one day and I apologized 47 times that day. And it didn’t feel like a day in which I said it a lot. 47 times. That’s a lot. I mean how many of those times was an apology warranted? Probably not that many. I recently listened to a woman who instructed a roomful of women to STOP APOLOGIZING. And within our temple I have heard how we women need to stop apologizing. It’s a strong message for me lately because I am still surprised at how often I do it.
How many times do you say “I am sorry I didn’t email you back within 24 hours because…..”? Or “I am sorry dinner is late because……”? And the one I do the most is “I am sorry but I disagree with you because….”. Why are we sorry we didn’t email someone promptly? Women are busy! We shouldn’t apologize for not dropping everything and re-prioritizing our day around an email. We shouldn’t apologize for dinner being late because someone else could’ve started it when our time became strapped. And we most certainly SHOULD NOT be apologizing for disagreeing with someone. When we apologize it should be “I am sorry that I hurt your feelings”, “I am sorry that I broke your CD”, and “I am sorry you are having a hard time” but only if we truly mean it. And isn’t that the crux of it all…..that we should actually be sorry to begin with?
We have been conditioned to say “I am sorry way” too much. That somehow, no matter how busy we are, we have to apologize for not living up to someone else’s standards. It’s time to start living up to my own standards and keep those standards reasonable. So I am working on not saying sorry unless I am truly sorry. For now I will keep a journal of how often I say it and maybe throw a quarter in a jar. Anything to recognize and repair that awful. Will you join me?