I think I am at that place where I can share something. With my familial issues at hand, I have started some much needed counseling. We are in the assessment stage to see what needs to take place for my healing. However, I have been given a task to help me deal with the stresses of my life. What I am now doing is a daily journal. The plan is to write in the morning what I am grateful for and in the evening, what it is I am accountable for. I haven’t been doing this for long but it’s already helping. I am identifying just how much I take on and get blamed for that I am not to be accountable for. I am realizing that some people know exactly how to push me to the edge and that I am going to need to take charge and not give them that power. Some of my realizations are empowering and others are heart breaking. But all of it is necessary.
In the short time of this counseling, I am feeling better about a few things. I have a safe place to go in which I can truly pour out my heart and soul and none of it is used against me. That alone is a massive relief. The other thing about this bout of counseling, that is so different from the many counselors I had as a teen, is that this was my idea. I chose to do this and I want this. That makes the healing so much more gratifying and really allows for healing.
I don’t know quite where all of this will lead as of yet. But I know it’s going to be good and healthy for me and my children. I always look to my children and fear that I am ruining them. But this……no this will have some positive effects in the long run. It’s going to be a bumpy road but in the end, the best results for everyone will take place. I can’t wait for that to happen but I remind myself to be patient and take my baby steps.