The Pagan Mom Blog

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So Saturday I a suffering from cabin fever. Not sure why,it wasn’t like we were snowed in. It was icy but not bad enough to keep us indoors. So I suggested we take the kids to the movies. To help alleviate cost we hit a matinee. In short, great movie. The kids had a good time and it was enjoyable. I have to say that Dwayne Johnson has gone from idiot wrestler (sorry, not a fan), to piss poor actor (ugh, must I remind you of the horrid Scorpion King?), to a hilarious family movie actor. He was great in  Planet 51 and did a great remake of Return To Witch Mountain. I personally see one of his trailers and I fully expect a fun family movie. I do have to say that Tooth Fairy can wait until it’s on HBO or DVD. Spending $40 for a family of 5 is just alot!

After we got out we went to Target and bought movies. Molly has been all over our asses to buy Zombieland. We tortured her by telling her we were buying Star Trek. She just saw the Star Trek, I hid Zombieland until we got to register lol. I know, we are such good parents. Anywho I love Zombieland so we don’t have to go in great detail there. Star Trek I had not seen yet. It was pretty good. This was based on how Kirk became Captain where as the original series they were lost and trying to get home. Cast was great, they meshed well and took their characters to a more modern level. I am glad we waited for DVD though. It just didn’t feel like a movie but a long episode. If you haven’t seen it and are  a fan of the original series, it is worth seeing.

BTW! If you love Zombie flicks you have an opportunity to help get one off the ground. The Indywood Project is raising funds to produce their indy zombie flick. They have various producer packages that you can invest in based on your budget. I personally went nuts and did the 50 pound package (almost $80 USD). Mostly because I want to do a 15 second video that will be included in the special features. I could be IN the movie but I don’t think I will be able to fly over to England for filming. It would be cool though lol. Anywho they are going about this in a unique way where they are getting zombie fans interested in being a part of the film. I personally LOVE their angle. So if you love zombie flicks, get in on the deal. If you know someone who does buy them a package or pass on the word to them.

Coming out as pagan is always a difficult task. Some are lucky and their families and friends are supportive. Others have a much harder time with the people surrounding them. Often you find pagans online who often ask should I? When should I do it? And the ever elusive how do I do it?

I have never really announced it outloud. My family knows and doesn’t seem bothered by it. At least they have never said a word about it. This could be due to the fact that I am not very close to them and we talk maybe a few times a year. My friends know and the type of people I tend to be friends with, it doesn’t cause any issues. My husband’s family…..well I am not sure if they know or not. I have never come right out and said it but if they did ask I would totally confess. They have seen the altar in my home but I am not sure if they knew it was an altar lol. My father in law has seen tweetdeck open on my computer at work and my name is PaganMomBlog on twitter. And I have noticed that when the discussion of religion has come up, primarily the Christian religion, he will usually ask my husband a question. Not in a snotty sort of way but that kind of way of “you beleive like I do so let me ask you”. And then again perhaps I am reading into it.

Lately I have wondered if I should come completely out to my inlaws. I am concerned in the area of work. At work no one knows. Our clientele is on the elderly side and being in the south the automatic assumption is that they are all Baptists. I know, it’s an unfair judgment but it’s habit. One I am working on. I do know that some of them are Unitarian Universalists (which means very accepting) and I know exactly who those people are. But others  I worry about. I don’t want the business to lose clientele because someone has issue with my personal life.

So why is this coming up now, after 6 years of working there? I saw the look about a week ago. One of our clients has a business near my home and often in the mornings on the way in I swing by and pick things up or drop things off. This particular morning I got there before they open. I saw our client coming up behind my vehicle. Which she was staring at hard. And then that look came on her face. That look of “oh my god” and then I could see her trying to process it ” is she? noooo she couldn’t be”. Then she looked at me, that soul searching look and it was a desperate look. What was it that caused such a look? A bumper sticker. It says “Mother Grove” and has some slogan about honoring the goddess. No pentacles, no “my other car is a broomstick” sticker….just that word goddess glaring at her. I could tell that suddenly she was very uncomfortable. I handled her the way I always had. Cheerful and smiling. I told her what she needed to do with paperwork. I noticed that normally a woman who spent 30 minutes chatting my head off suddenly wanted to get as far away as possible. I haven’t heard  anything about this as of yet. My father in law is an adorable man. I can’t imagine anyone disliking him so I think if she had confronted him he might have been able to smooth things over. But the mere idea that he would have to do that bothers me. My religious beleifs should have no bearing on how well I can do my job.

So I am not sure what to do. I have this fear that if I came out to my inlaws that it would make things bad between us. I love them as if they were my own flesh and blood and for them to be upset would hurt me greatly. I think that is what makes this the most difficult. I don’t want people hurt. And I don’t feel forced into a closet, I have always wanted to live my beleifs without being an “in your face” pagan.

And perhaps I have blown out of proportion. Maybe there is some other reason she made the faces and wanted to rush into her store. Unfortunatley experience and intuition tells me otherwise.

P.S. I will be taking tomorrow off. This week is kicking my butt and I haven’t been getting up at 5am but 6 am. So I am going to listen to the body and “sleep in” and not worry about getting a post up. I will be back Friday for my Follow Friday post.

I have no idea why but I have been having this recurring nightmare for the last 6 months  about alligators. Various scenarios but the one common thread is I am in a boat of some kind and an alligator grabs it and pushes it to shore. Last night I dreamt I was crossing the marsh (which there are no marshes here, I am in the mountains!) to go to my inlaws home. I see my father in law firing up his grill and my hubs come out the door with a plate of burgers and dogs. Then I see an agressive alligator (and it should be crocs but I dream alligators cause I am a dork like that) run towards them. I try to shout to warn them but something bumps my boat and I can feel my boat being pushed backwards towards my dock. I watch as 2 other alligators join the first one and attack my hubs an his dad. All while another alligator starts swimming along my boat as the original alligator is pushing it. Even weirder, I grab my teddy bear as we get closer to the dock and I try to figure out how I am going to get away from these alligators.

So another note to make is that my kids have never been in this nightmare. Or at least not that I ever remember. Whom is in it varies. Sometimes friends, sometimes I am alone, and sometimes adult family. I always have this teddy bear. I don’t recognize it, I was not a teddy bear kinda kid.

I could chalk this up to a bipolar thing. I have nightmares often. At least 3 times a week. It used to be a daily thing but it hasn’t been like that in about 7 years. I went to an online dream interpreter and apparently I am so odd that they couldn’t interpret it. I thought it might have something to do with our upcoming Florida trip but that doesn’t make sense. I was scared to death when we went two years ago for Orlando. I had imagined Florida as crawling with alligators, which I discovered wasn’t the case. When we visited Mr. P’s aunt in Homestead (down near the Keys) we did go to a sanctuary for alligators and crocs. We even rode an airboat and got to see them upclose. So I shouldn’t have a fear of alligators going on the massive attack like in my dreams. It’s not within their nature.  Oh well, hope it goes away soon. I don’t like how real my dream feels. I mean my sense of touch is crazy! I can remember what it felt like to touch the teddy bear, the cool of the metal on the sides of the boat as I gripped it in fear, and even the pushing of the alligators on my boat. I would almost say it has to do with a past life but the dream was in the here and now.

So as I mentioned in several posts now, I don’t normally cook Turkey Day Dinner. Usually we go to the inlaws farm for the day and my mother in law does the cooking. This year however, Mr.P  offered to host dinner at our home. Not a biggie, I love cooking large meals to be honest. And this year proved how nice it was for a change of pace.

I know some people spend alot of time whining and crying about making a bunch of food for ungrateful people and how they wished they had the nerve to say “No”. This is not that kind of post. For starters my sis in law and her family did not come because they wanted to spend time with her hubby’s family since we are all going to be in Florida for Christmas. So I set about letting our friends know of our Open Door policy. Basically anyone wanting to get away from their family or had no plans could drop by. No pressure, come if you want and if you don’t….no hard feelings. As it was two of our friends decided to drop by. Mr. J brought a homemade pumpkin pie and a chocolate cream pie from J&S Cafeteria. If you have a J&S Cafeteria near you, run (do not walk) over and get a pie. They have the BEST pies ever! The pumpkin isn’t made with canned pumpkin, they gut the pumpkins themselves and grind everything up for their pie. So yea, he spoiled us! Mr. B came by and brought homemade brownies that I have yet to eat because I was so full I got nauseaus yesterday. It’s on today’s to-do list. I promise. And my mother inlaw made stuffing (oyster and plain) and her pumpkin pie.

I decided to go with my family tradition of eating at 2pm. I like it because I have more time to spend with family. Everyone showed up around 2:30 which is when dinner got done anyway lol. My mother in law likes a prayer before dinner so I had already talked to little man about him doing the prayer. Since he goes to a Baptist Daycare, I knew he knew a prayer or two. It was so freaking adorable. Here it is, if I remember it properly:

God our father, God our father
once again, once again
Thank you for our blessings, thank you for our blessings
Amen, Amen

It is sung to the tune of “Here is thumbkin” and little man says Oh Man for Amen lol. Anyhow, real heartfelt moment and my mother in law was thrilled with his prayer.

We sat for dinner which I had set up buffet style since our table is small. It’s funny but yesterday I was kinda stressed about our dishes not matching (we don’t have enough place settings for 6 adults and 3 kids) and wine glasses for cider not matching, and not enough table space. Kinda like I wasn’t “womanly” enough or something. But who the hell was paying attention with food in front of them? No one, that’s who!  We dug in and was pleased with the reactions. I had never made sweet potato casserole before and Mr. J & Mr. B were arguing over who got the last spoonful. My inlaws raved about my Spinach & Tomato Quiche and the Green Bean Casserole.  Everyone loved the cranberry sauce I had made and canned last year. There is none left so I am going to have to crack open another jar and warm it up today for leftovers lol.  After we ate, we sat and chatted. At some point I got up and grabbed the girls to start bringing in dishes so I could get them cleaned up. Our dishwasher is broke so I wanted a good jump on them before dessert. Normally my girls fight with me on not wanting to do dishes. Yesterday they fought over who got to help me and who did it better. Even little man came running into the kitchen to help (he put away silverware). Never had I thought I would be blogging about my children wanting to help clean up without threats of groundings and no dessert for the evening! In no time we were done and we started bringing in desserts to the dining room. My mother in law started admonishing me because she wasn’t helping. As far as I was concerned she cooked for the last 3 years so she deserved a break. I informed her of this and got a “but…you don’t have to do it all”. Mr.P spoke up with “Mom just sit down and enjoy dessert”. And she did happily. We dug in with renewed gusto and I am surprised anything is left. We cleaned up again and sat down to chat. My mother in law gushed about how lovely it all was and she hadn’t felt that relaxed in awhile on Thanksgiving day. We made the offer to alternate years. She wants to take it a step further and get my sister in law to host once in awhile as well. I like this idea, that way no one gets burned out on hosting a meal.

 It wasn’t long before people started to leave and that was good. Mr. P and I sat on the couch. Little man hopped up and curled next o me. Before we knew it, we fell asleep in a food induced coma. I think we woke up around 7:30. Dinner was the only time I ate yesterday. And it was all so good. I cannot wait for lunchtime and enjoy a turkey and cranberry sandwich. I am drooling just thinking about it.

Be Thankful For A Renewed Sense Of Life
I Am Dreaming Of A Green Christmas

As you can see I have a theme going on around here lately. See…I am a holiday ho. I enjoy passing on some of the traditions I grew up with and creating new ones for my kids. I also don’t like change too much (unless I initiate it…can we say control freak much?) and I almost become fanatical about preserving tradition. Oh who are we kidding, I love nostalgia! So I thought I would share my memories of Thanksgivings’ past. My own version of Ebenezer Scrooge sort of….except in my world Jim Carrey couldn’t get near it.

In school I loved this time of year. We would create things to decorate the class and then take them home for Thanksgiving break. Things like turkeys made from cutouts that were tracings of our hands. And even diarama’s of the first Thanksgiving day. Remember making those? With old shoeboxes? Gah kids are missing out these days! We also had a play every year in our classroom reliving the first Thanksgiving. We reminded each other of how the first immigrants survived thanks to the Native Americans. I always wanted to be one of the Indians, they were way cooler in my eyes. We would practice for a couple weeks and my grandmother and mother would come to see our small production with their big butts crammed in our tiny seats. Smiles on their faces and my grandmother snapping off 200 hundred pictures in 20 minutes.

We would get off those three days for Thanksgiving breaks. I would be so excited because I would see some family I hadn’t seen in awhile. I come from a large family. Not all would be there, some we only saw at weddings and funerals. But I had two sets of aunts and uncles and 3 male cousins that would come to my grandmother’s home (whom we lived with) and it was a full house. My grandmother and mom would be bustling in the kitchen getting things ready. My aunts would step in to help, I would try and get yelled at for being in the way. The men would be in the living room watching football and discussing work. My cousins would be kidnapping me and locking me in the basement and I would freak out. They would get in trouble and kicked out and I would be told to suck it up and stop making all that racket. The adults ate in the dining room, us kids would be at the kitchen table. Food would be everywhere. A huge turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, creamed corn, greenbeans, hot bread, and cranberry sauce. We kids would be engaging in our usual bickering and the occasional food fight. The adults would be talking more about work and whatever other upcoming events they had their way. I would also try to sneak my green beans into the trash. Oh how I hated those! Most times I was successful because the adults were too busy chatting to see me at the trash (my father had the view of the trashcan from his place at the dining room table). We kids would be hollered at 9390357905 times that we were being too rambunctious. Then dessert…..oh wonderful and glorious dessert. I always had the apple pie after fighting with my mother for 30 minutes that I hated pumpkin pie. After 34 years she still seems to think I like pumpkin pie.

Our Thanksgivings weren’t perfect. We fought alot. When my grandmother died, my aunts and uncles and cousins stopped coming over. My parents would fight alot. I got in trouble alot. But it will always hold a special place in my heart from those early years. I don’t have dinner with my family now, I live 500 miles away. Instead we have an intimate dinner at my inlaws home. Sometimes my sister in law and her family come, sometimes they don’t. This time last year my brother in law was alive and present. I remember that was when he said “I won’t get cancer because I don’t want cancer”. He said this when we discussed cigarrette smoking, addiction, and the long term effects. I am sure we will be thinking about him alot this year. My mother in law isn’t cooking, instead the inlaws are coming to my house. I get to make everything, fuss at the kids, and enjoy every minute of it.

I think I will look for some shoeboxes and show my kids how to make a diarama. What are you going to do this Thanksgiving?

Since my girls take a bus to our office in the afternoons, they need something to occupy them when their homework is done. Their favorite thing to do is decorate my door with pictures for whatever upcoming holiday there is. The Halloween stuff came down and they set about to decorate for Thanksgiving. I didn’t really supervise them over it: I envisioned pictures of family, indians, and turkeys plastered all over. What I got was not quite what I envisioned. One shows a turkey being shot. Complete with a bullet heading towards the poor turkey and one hell of a terrified look on the birds face. Another one features a trickster. A girl is coaxing a turkey to come to her, she even says “Come here turkey, we love you”. It’s apparent that she has a wicked evil grin on her face. Look closer and you see her holding a butcher knife behind her back. And Mr. P’s favorite picture is a glass of champagne and it says ” Get Drunk! It’s Thanksgiving!”. FYI….we have never shot a turkey, butchered a turkey, and I don’t make a habit of getting drunk at every single holiday event either.

The pictures have come down. My father in law thought they were hilarious! But I was concerned about what some of our clients would say if they came in and saw them. Actually it might have done some good, save a few turkeys this year. I was seriously contemplating not eating turkey anymore after the look of fear in shooter turkey’s face.

Well sort of. His parents are out of town so he is staying at their farm and taking care of the animals. I still see him at work (well today he is working at daycares instead of here). Last night he came to the house and had dinner before we went out for a movie (and if you all don’t know what movie, I haven’t done a good enough job bitching). I miss him. Mostly at night. I am NOT a cuddly kind of wife. I like my space and I have issues with invasion of my space. BUT I am used to his side being filled. I am used to rolling away because he is just too hot (I call him the walking furnace). I am used to him whining that I want to turn the light out and can he please finish this chapter? BUT. He is taking the kids Thursday night to his parents. Friday the girls are out of school. So we thought we might just pull lil man out of daycare that day and let them all go hang out exploring the woods and animals. Do you know how much this excites me? I have to stay in town because I am going to Spookypalooza (by the way, PLEASE vote me as Best New Blog? K thanks!). Ok well I guess I don’t HAVE to so much as want to. Either way…I am thrilled. I am always around people. I do a pretty dam good job of surrounding myself with good people. I tend to have fun and enjoy their company. But I have NO time alone anymore. Just driving into the office in the mornings this week (wow, two whole days so far!) have been insanely enjoyable.

On the downside it does suck at night with the kids. I don’t mean being alone with them. I mean listening to them wanting to know why daddy isn’t home. Why can’t they go to the farm (they don’t know they are going Thursday night and spending all of Friday & Saturday out there). For the hubs I am sure he is equally as excited to be away. He doesn’t get alot of away time either, so this has got to be awesome for him. Of course by the time he gets back, I should be full blown PMS’ing. He is gonna want to run away real quick.